I Really, Really Want it…But!

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by Richard Waldman – Life and Leadership Coach
www.coachmerich.com

Have you ever really wanted something that was attainable, and yet, felt powerless to obtain it? For example, a person who wants to be debt free and has a love affair with their credit card, might feel powerless. The entrepreneur, who wants to promote their new business, but is afraid of rejection, might feel powerless. The person who longs for a relationship, but can’t get along with others, might feel powerless.

What keeps our mind glued to positions that deny us from what we say we really want? It’s the notion, for example, that we may be lacking; don’t have the ability or that others may judge us. Sherlock Holmes, the famous detective of storybook fame, said in one of his episodes, “There is nothing more illusive than an obvious clue,” and what we may be missing is the understanding of how the chatter in our head and its judgments hold us back. Judgments are up close, in your face and personal and occur when our chatter sounds the alarm that reality is out of sync with what we think reality should be, thus creating distance between what we’re judging and what we want.

This self-talk, however, is not always negative. We also hear a positive side that is energetic and filled with ideas that is often silenced by the judgmental side that wants to keep us where we are. But why does our chatter appear to have more power then our hopes and desires?

Here’s a clue. Our chatter has our ear; because it loves to tell us about our fears. For example, if we fear rejection, our chatter will gather up and present the evidence, all the ways we can be rejected, which scares the hell out of us.

So, how do we free our self from our self? There is really only one way, stop judging, which stops the chatter, the collecting of evidence and the need to react. Let’s use our fear of rejection, as example, to see how this works. Our judging that we can be “hurt” ignites the chatter in our head that show us the evidence, all the reasons why we will be rejected in hope that we will react. And react we do, with inaction, but no more. Being aware of what our chatter is doing and saying enables us to decipher those thoughts that move us forward, and those that hold us back. Being present keeps us out of the future where fear resides, and out of the past where regret is alive, so we may concentrate on making conscious choices. Conscious choice invites peace into the process by embracing perspectives and possibilities that move us forward.

For thousand of years, metaphors such as the tree of life and the tree of good and evil, the true and false self, the yin and the yang suggest that a duality of consequence exists within all of us. In the 1960’s, artist Lou Christie sang a song entitled, “Two Faces Have I,” one that laughs, and one that cries.

These two faces present a dilemma that has plagued our consciousness ever since man became aware of himself, for we have not yet learned that when we fail to choose the self we want to live through, the chatter in our head will choose for us. And what it chooses will not give us what we really, really, want!